If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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