I got chris browned last night
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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