I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I still have a little drunk in my system
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
