I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Randomize
