i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
