i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
