I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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