I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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