She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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