when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
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