fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
