I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize