You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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