I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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