cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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