yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
