Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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