i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
