somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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