He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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