Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
