dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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