I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
