im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
