My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
