You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
