I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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