ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
