I think my vagina is haunted
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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