I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
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