If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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