So drunk, too bad you don't want this
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
