ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
