when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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