this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize