and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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