Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
