I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
