Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
We are all done wearing pants today
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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