hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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