I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
