I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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