k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder