guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.