I'm an idiot
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken