Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(309): View more from Illinois

nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol

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(309): nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol http://tfl.nu/jhs1

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(319): View more from Iowa

I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.

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(319): I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone. http://tfl.nu/bot7

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(631): View more from New York

"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......

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(631): "fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house...... http://tfl.nu/xvur

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

I just hotboxed my laundry basket.

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(717): I just hotboxed my laundry basket. http://tfl.nu/rt8k

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(970): View more from Colorado

Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single

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(970): Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single http://tfl.nu/1weq

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(360): View more from Washington

It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.

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(360): It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that. http://tfl.nu/4zse

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.

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(414): I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me. http://tfl.nu/n4ee

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.

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(484): donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them. http://tfl.nu/hk6n

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(407): View more from Florida

I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.

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(407): I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up. http://tfl.nu/xd0y

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(417): View more from Missouri

Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?

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(417): Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO? http://tfl.nu/uhod

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(613): View more from Ontario

Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.

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(613): Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook. http://tfl.nu/9inf

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.

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(412): My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey. http://tfl.nu/rdvv

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(510): View more from California

my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.

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(510): my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore. http://tfl.nu/307f

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(416): View more from Toronto

drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite

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(416): drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite http://tfl.nu/pmot

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(801): View more from Utah

You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.

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(801): You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that. http://tfl.nu/if9w

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