what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
