he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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