i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
