Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
