My room smells like vodka and shame
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I have tasted many bathrooms
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
