hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
