Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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