I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Randomize
