matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
