She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
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