They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
