Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
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There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
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Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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