I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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