remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
