I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
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The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
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Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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