i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
