The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
