Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
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so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
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Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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