My brain says no but my pants say off.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
