are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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