My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
