I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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