i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
