Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
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I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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